MAN

An Intuitive Analysis

by Sharon Ramsey, King George, Virginia, USA

Element	Man
Symbol	$
Discoverer	Pure specimen known to exist, but not yet found
Atomic Mass	Accepted at 62.3Kg, but known to vary from 45 to 300 Kg
Occurrences	Gathers in groups at bars, sports events, car shows and Alaska

Physical Properties

1. Exterior surface varies widely in coloration from red at neck to pure white in lower trunk.
2. Is generally inflexible, but can become pliable with expert management.
3. Immature specimens have hair on scalp but not on lower face. Hair location is reversed in adult specimens.
4. Thrives under routine.
5. A large thumb is prized by mature specimens.
6. Exterior surface is always warm, particularly after nightfall.

Chemical Properties

1. Has great affinity for expensive objects (cars, boats, electronic devices, etc.)
2. Has affinity with element Woman (both possessed and unpossessed strains).
3. Although the money symbol ($) is ascribed to Man, only brief contact with monies is maintained at any time.
4. Boils over frequently when driving in heavy traffic.
5. Capable of absorbing great quantities of alcohol. However, saturation in alcohol severely limits performance factors.

Common Uses

1. By Woman as secondary agent for the procurement of bright objects
2. Useful in household for minor repairs
3. Large specimens are an effective repellent of salesmen and other unwanted visitors

Tests

1. Falls asleep during romantic movies.
2. Never asks for directions when lost.
3. Forgets important dates unless connected to expensive, inanimate objects.
4. Frequently says "I'm a big picture guy".

Hazards

1. Can become disorderly and discouraged when not provided with routine and proper nourishment.
2. Extra-legal, simultaneous possession of two specimens is difficult, but not impossible.

Editor's note:

• If you want to comment on this article, why not write direct to Sharon Ramsey?
• She will be pleased to hear from you!
• This was written in response to Woman - A Scientific Analysis

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