Woman - A Scientific Analysis

Element	Woman
Symbol	Wo
Discoverer	Adam
Atomic Mass	Accepted at 53.6Kg, but known to vary from 40 to 200Kg
Occurrences	Copious quantities in urban areas

Physical Properties

1. Surface usually covered with painted film
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without warning
3. Melts if given special treatment
4. Bitter if incorrectly used
5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore
6. Yields if pressure applied to correct places

Chemical Properties

1. Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity increases greatly by saturation in alcohol
5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man

Common Uses

1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
2. Can be great aid to relaxation
3. Very effective cleaning agent

Tests

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

Hazards

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into contact with each other

Editor's note:

• In response to this article Sharon Ramsey wrote Man - An Intuitive Analysis

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